Another New Leaf

So it’s been virtually a month since I’ve written much of anything. January was really spent settling into the life of a pensioner. Thanks to Susan Carpenter for giving the term pensioner. The only real advantage to being called a pensioner rather than a retired dude is that pensioners can begin having their evening drink at four o’clock instead of the traditional five o’clock start. Undoubtedly this is so we can make it to the early bird special over at Denny’s.

It is a very cool thing to go to bed each night and not have to worry about what I’ll have to do tomorrow. It is very different from the previous 40+ years. The only real project I’ve been involved in is planning for the remodeling of our two bathrooms. The remodel was sorely needed for many years but now we have the time and energy to deal with it. So Karen and I picked out a contractor we think we can work in and then searched the internet and found a mere 723,000 pictures of bathrooms, ranging from palatial (apparently some people live in their bathroom) to more modest like ours. We were able to narrow it down to 125,000 that we liked and thought we could live with. We viewed about 600 sinks, 425 bathtubs, and 300 toilets. There’s something definitely weird about going to the store and talking to salespeople about what’s the right kind of toilet for you. There’s an art to talking discreetly about its use and slowly I’m catching on to using the right lingo and talking about my toilet preferences (which I never even knew before that I had any). I flunked my first encounter when I walked up to the salesperson at the local kitchen and bath store and said, “I need something to make a doody in. What do you suggest?” The Fabulous Miss K was not amused. We immediately left and went to the second toilet store. You know sometimes my background in early childhood education serves me well and I guess sometimes it doesn’t.

Anyway we’re going through our checklist of all the decisions and purchases involved and construction will begin in a couple of weeks. I doubt if I’ll keep the readers informed unless something interesting happens (although living in a construction zone is sure to provoke something interesting).

That said, life as a pensioner can get a little slow. To fill up my time the Fabulous Miss K enrolled me in a new community education called “How to Load the Dishwasher the Right Way.” That took up a Saturday.

Given all of this I decided to make a couple of changes. First off I’m going to straighten out my diet. As noted before my job turned into a LOT of desk work the last couple of years and I didn’t always get the movement and exercise I should have. So I’ve decided to cutback on some foods and add others that I’m told are better for me. First off I’m giving up the Fruit Loops and Vodka Diet touted by the Keith Richards Center for Health and Wellness.

I have found that its really not that effective.
Second I’ve started eating more of those ancient grains that are supposed to give you plenty of amino acids, anti-oxidants, pro-biotics, antihistamines, anti-coagulants, and proteins. These aren’t just foods, they’re superfoods. So I have now doubled down on amaranth. I’ve been told that this ancient grain was the secret to the Inca’s success. Of course no one mentions that the Incas just aren’t around anymore. Most people blame Pizarro. but after a couple of helpings of amaranth I think I know what killed them. I’ve also tried quinoa. This is a grain that was invented when they were giving out vowels apparently. In addition to its enormous nutritional value it is officially listed as the world’s smallest food. It’s actually a great thing to eat when you’re really hungry and want to eat about 5,000 of something.

Third, its time for my annual Yoga Retreat at my most favorite place in the whole world Mar De Jade, the holistic lifestyle resort. I’m here along with other rehabbits eating right, and doing two two-hour yoga sessions daily. At the begin of each yoga session you’re supposed to set an “intention for yourself”. I’m not proud, my intention is to survive. Actually this place is how you always dream of a Mexican vacation. The setting is stunning on a half-mile long cove about two hours north of Puerto Vallarta. There’s a small fishing village at one end and our Casa de Twister at the other end. The meals are delicious. Today we had “vegetarian loaf” for lunch. I admit I panicked a bit until they assured me that they didn’t actually put vegetarians into the loaf, primarily because it would no longer be a vegetarian dish then. Boy this gets confusing for a deep thinker. So I’ve been just been told it finally rained today in California. Too bad because it’s eighty-two degrees here and the ocean is the same temperature. . I’m sipping an organic piña colada and prepping for my next downward perro.

I must confess though that even after doing yoga somewhat regularly for 44 years now I am still confused by the language used by yoga instructors. They are constantly telling you do things to parts of your body that I didn’t know I had, and have only a vague idea of where they are located. The other day I was told to engage the “belly of your hamstring.” Really? Another mystic place is my “pelvic floor.” I am told that all women know exactly where this is, but I’m baffled.

Well, at least I have another week to figure this out.


One thought on “Another New Leaf

  1. The Pelvic Floor is the place in your bathroom where they install your new toilet. I’m surprised you didn’t know that-especially since you have so many advanced degrees. Also,a fun fact that most people don’t know-so don’t feel too bad- while it’s true that quinoa is an ancient grain, the name Quinoa was actually invented on Sesame Street by Elmo. It was originally called “tiny balls of protein” (rough translation to English) by the Incas.

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